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Things that Go Bump in the Night: Part 1

The stuff of nightmares...

The stuff of nightmares…

I started this blog post with in depth re-tellings of a couple night time experiences with my darling husband of 2+ years when I realized something:

I’m long winded and you don’t need that. You don’t WANT that.

When I realized I was not entertained by my own writing I decided scrapping the post was for the best… but I still want to tell you the stories! So I’m going to do two things:

  1. I am not going to give you the unnecessary details, making it shorter and more enjoyable.
  2. I’m only going to post one at a time. One story now, one story later…

So, without further ado let me tell you about my husband’s night terrors.

You might be thinking, “Valerie, you are a horrible person and wife! Why would you write a post about something so personal/frightening for your husband?” Maybe you have experienced terrors yourself or know someone close to you who has. There are many people for whom this is a serious and super scary experience. Sometimes they even hurt people they love, not aware that they are not fighting a monster/enemy but their spouse or significant other. I totally get that they are awful for some people, in fact, when I was I kid, I had some pretty awful night terrors. But let me tell you something… this is not the case with my husband’s.

First, they are funny as heck. Seriously, I sit flabbergasted after the ordeal wondering what on God’s green earth did I get myself into by marrying this man! Okay, that is an exaggeration, but I do marvel at the ridiculousness of the terrors. He has never hurt me while he is experiencing these very vivid, very bizarre hallucinations (at least not yet) so I just get to laugh and roll over and go back to sleep. Second, he tells everyone anyway. They are fun stories for us share tandem style– him from his perspective, me from mine. He knows they are crazy the minute he snaps out of the delirium of the waking nightmare and the only thing he can do is laugh.

So we both get to laugh.

Let me help you laugh too.

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One night, shortly after we were married, I am lying in bed trying to drift off to sleep unsuccessfully. Patrick (who, I just realized I didn’t clarify, is my husband) begins to toss and turn and mutter. I ignore this, as he has a tendency to say unintelligible things in his sleep that he never remembers in the morning anyway. Suddenly his wiggles and mutters turn into thrashing about in the bed and bellowing loudly. I hear him shriek what I think to be a word sounding something like … “bug.”

Well that had me out of the bed because if there was a bug in the bed making him freak out this bad, I wanted nothing to do with it. I jump to the light switch, flip it on, and whip around. I wanted to find this bug and kill it immediately. DEATH TO THE INVADER!

What I see puzzles me. Exceedingly. This was my first experience with his terrors, mind you.

He stands hunched over the bed, eyes wide in a state of panic (and possibly confusion), breathing heavily and not saying a word. His body language tells me he has no idea what is going on, which makes two of us.

When I asked him what happened he began to tell me that he “woke up” and rolled over to look at me and instead of seeing my beautiful face he saw my face…

… with a hawk perched on my forehead trying to peck my eyes out.

I’m dead serious.

So when he was thrashing about and I thought he said something about a bug, which neither of us actually knows what he said at that moment, what was really happening was he was desperately trying to save me from the evil hawk that had me in its clutches. My hero.

So I do the only thing I can.

I tell him I love him, that he is CRAZY, and I am going back to bed. Then I switch off the light.

At least I know that if some monstrous creature were attacking me he would be up to the challenge…

That was until spiders attacked. But that story is for next time so STAY TUNED!

Have you ever experienced a CRAZY dream you could have sworn was real when you woke up? Tell us about!

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